


More Interesting

by Rionaa



Series: We're Lost In A Dream Now [4]
Category: Bandom, Panic! at the Disco
Genre: Fucked Up Views, M/M, Past Child Abuse, Previous Events to Wonderful Caricature of Intimacy, Ryan is messed up, Ryan's POV, Seriously like Ryan is fucked up here, Violence, be careful
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-31
Updated: 2016-01-31
Packaged: 2018-05-17 10:10:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 16
Words: 532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5865214
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rionaa/pseuds/Rionaa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I love him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 2004

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Mojjy2](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mojjy2/gifts), [Andrexala](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Andrexala/gifts).



> Mojjy2 and Andrexala requested a prequel in Ryan's POV.  
> I'm not sure this is what they had in mind.  
> Anyway, here it is.

I'm at my friend, Brendon's house. 

We're sitting on the couch. 

I'm crying. 

My father came home drunk last night. 

Again. 

It's okay, though, 

I know he loves me. 

Brendon's pressing an ice pack to the side of my head.

My father's fault.

Brendon's kissing me.

I'm kissing back.

I love him.


	2. 2005

Brendon and I move in together.

I find a job and buy an apartment.

Brendon chips in, more than half.

He thinks I don't notice.

I do notice.

I love him.


	3. 2006

Brendon is crying.

He has a black eye.

I put it there.

He won't tell anyone.

He loves me.

I love him.


	4. 2007

Brendon walks around the apartment with a limp.

I watch him with a smile.

I love him.


	5. 2008

Brendon runs away.

I can't find him.

I need him.

I love him.


	6. 2009

Brendon and Spencer are talking in the other room.

I think Brendon is telling Spencer about what I did last night.

I don't understand.

I love him.

He knows that.

That's why I do this.

I love him.


	7. 2010

Brendon and I are in Los Angeles.

He is shouting.

I am crying.

Why is he shouting?

He knows I love him.

Doesn't he?

He hits me.

I know that he loves me.

He is crying.

He says that he is sorry.

I don't understand.

I love him.


	8. 2011

We get back from Los Angeles.

I know that I love him.

I know that he cannot love me.

Not in the same way.

I tell him we are over.

He is crying.

I am crying.

I love him.


	9. 2012

Brendon and I are over.

We are not lovers.

We are not friends.

I do not see him.

I miss him.

I love him.


	10. 2013

I see Brendon by chance.

He is in the park.

He has a new boyfriend.

I see him.

I hate him.

I am jealous.

Brendon is happy.

I am jealous.

I love him.


	11. 2014

I am going mad, I think.

I cannot function without Brendon.

I need him.

I love him.


	12. 2015

I am becoming obsessed.

I have lost all my friends.

I have lost everything.

I have lost him.

I hate him.

I love him.


	13. 2016

I find Brendon's boyfriend.

I follow him for three days.

I develop a plan.

I remember how it feels to be in control.

I remember how it feels to be inside someone.

To hear their screams and cries to stop.

I revel in it.

I leave him in an alley, unconscious.

Brendon will come.

I look forward to it.

I love him.


	14. 2016

Brendon comes to me.

I knew that he would.

At last I have him once again.

At last I can show him how much I love him.

I take him.

At last, he is mine,

At last, I own him.

I love him.


	15. 2016

I show him how much I love him.

He doesn't love me.

Not anymore.

I don't understand.

Why does he not love me?

I am showing him how much I love him.

So much.

I love him.


	16. 2016

I am growing angry.

He doesn't love me.

I must show him my love.

I take him to the lake.

I throw him in.

I follow him.

Perhaps now he will know.


End file.
